It's funny...I have a burning desire to write. While I am out gardening, which I did for 7 straight hours yesterday and am now paying dearly for 5 straight hours of what were essentially squats...I can hardly move!...anyway, the words flood to my mind and I feel inundated with a myriad of images and words and language and it feels so cathartic and I cannot wait to get to my computer and get it all out. But of course, after appeasing the children and finishing chores and cleaning myself up, by the time the computer time comes everything has escaped me and I feel completely lost in a world in which I thought I had found at least some semblance of self-expression. Perhaps I am a pencil-and-paper girl. Perhaps I'll have writing time on vacation (right...). But the yearning, the burning, it is there, and I should run with it--if only I didn't have so darned much else to do. I am still trying to figure out how I would make it all balance had I continued on the PhD/academic track and thus HAD to write for my career. Pretty much all I know who have that life also have nannies to help with the children, housekeepers to help with the house, are DINKS or live by themselves. It would be impossible for me to live that kind of life. Not only for the lack of financial means, but for the fact that I cannot have somebody else in my house cleaning up my messes, raising my children and basically making me feel like I cannot run my own life. Somebody recently told me that we American women are "jodidas"...screwed...in all that we are socialized to believe that we have to be able to do. This is a mindset that, in me, has been instilled since childhood and is unshakeable. I was once approached by a Bolivian woman who, in complete innocence, asked if there was anything she could do at my home in order to earn a little extra money for herself. I know she meant nothing by the question, but I felt offended and insulted, that it appeared that I couldn't handle my own responsibilities.
Whew!!! So where did all this come from? Boy, Pandora's Box has been opened. I guess I have a lot bottled up and I need to let it escape somehow.
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I know that feeling too well of ideas scrambling around in your brain begging to be written down - and then by the time you've organised everything in order to do so, it's too late, the bubbles have burst so to speak.
ResponderEliminarIt's not just American woman who feel they have to do everything!I think it's the mentality of most women - even post feminism which altho accomplished much, couldn't take away the female's need to nurture and provide order. Maybe in the end all they did was add 'provider' on top of our other roles! But I don't really believe that - we also like to get out there and be our own person outside of the home and that role.
Aint life complicated?
Enjoy your holiday!
(I bet you're pleased to have got out in the garden!)
Thank you...the front yard does look great, and my gladiolas are bursting into bloom! Pictures forthcoming!
ResponderEliminarBring a notebook just in case! Then you can hire our super-typist A to type it up for you to posy when you get back so the rest of us don't miss anything!
ResponderEliminarYes, I used to take a notebook with me every where I went. I would drop a few words in it so I did not lose the essence. Then when I had time in the evening, I would write it up.
ResponderEliminarHmmm..maybe I should raise that to a new art form by writing in the dirt as I'm gardening! Thanks, ladies!
ResponderEliminarAlso, it is not unusual for writers to have their blocks lifted while they are doing something else.
ResponderEliminarSome writers take a shower, cook, garden to get their creative juices flowing. what is important about writing is that you have a place that you sit down in front of a blank page every day. (time and place are important). Then your mind and body will know that that is the time to give you the images. Then when you have a block.. garden. LOL