a little night music

okay, a very little night music. But it was enough to feel good.

I never have the chance to pick up my violin anymore, but tonight for some reason I had las ganas to do so, and even with fingers locking up every so often coupled with the humbling realization that I just don't have what I used to have, it still feels good to be capable of producing decent sound, that could even be called music every so often.

My violin used to be my greatest passion. I am sure that is what kept me on task as a young person, the discipline of 3-4 hours a day of practice, the self-motivating desire to become the best self-taught violinist I could, perhaps a little more money for college. It also became for me an instrument of self-expression, allowing me to voice emotions in an uncriticized way; the pleasure this emotional outlet brought to others was also personally gratifying.

I went far, farther than I could ever have dreamed, with my violin, and our passion lasted longer than most. With time, however, passion fades as other interests develop, as one's personal realm widens--and I left my violin behind. Sitting in the corner, collecting dust, I would take it out only on occasion or when asked to play for a certain event in my post-university life.

Although my fingers lock up, my hands cramp after only about an hour of practice, it is nice to "fiddle around" every so often, and the music does bring me back to another place, another time in my life...is that what staying young at heart is all about? I am not certain, but something keeps me from getting rid of this violin and, these every-so-often moments are what validate my decision to still hold on to what used to be...