September in God's time

Today was the first of September. It felt like a September day. The sky was a brilliant blue, that which we only see as an autumn sky.

I spent the day in the garden--more God time. I am finding God in so many more places that God made and less so in places man-made in God's name. I'm not sure why that is, but as I have always been drawn to nature, perhaps that is where God is calling me to find him now.

This is a difficult issue for me as I have been raised Catholic and in a firm, church-going household. I believe in God. I love my God. I want my children to grow up with a respect and a love for God as well, and believe they should be educated so as to be able to make their decisions as to how they must individually pay respect to God in their lives. I try to teach them in my home the importance of God in our lives, and how we can be God-like in how we treat ourselves and how we treat others. I try to teach as well a respect for all life, even the lives of the bothersome crickets currently invading our home.

I used to believe that my rather antisystemic point of view stemmed from a fundamental insecurity in my beliefs; that indeed, God would strike me down if I didn't attend Mass each week. I have come to see that, contrary to the point of view of many, instead I am extremely secure in my faith and am willing to stretch my relationship with God and question instead of being a mere blind follower...

So I, in the past 10 months, have made some realizations and some decisions based on these realizations. One great realization is that I have always done what others believe I should do for their approbation. That is not necessarily what is correct for me to do, but I do. I want people to be proud of me and to see me as doing what they define to be as right, even if it does not feel right in my heart. Some of this has to do with my manner of practicing my faith. There are other subjects that fall under this idea as well. However, God is the theme for today.

And I enjoyed the first day of September fully today--and in God's time!