another sleepless night

I know, it's too early to tell as it is only 9:30. This has, however, been the holding pattern now for quite a while, for various reasons. Some of which stem from stress, others from big question marks, and the past nights from the temperature and heat advisory we are under; indeed, tomorrow and Tuesday have already been named "Code Red" days for air quality.

Of *course* I broke down and turned on the A/C.

I am not *that* stubborn.

(a-hem)

I have the temperature set at one reasonable for the budget and so that you can walk in from The Great Outdoor Sauna and tell that, in fact, A/C is on and operating In This House. 81/82 degrees is low enough during the day, and with my ceiling fans on to assist in circulating the air, I still have to wear a long-sleeved shirt over my t-shirt so I don't get too cold.

I let it go down to 79 degrees at night. This is because I cannot stand the feeling of breathing stagnant air while I am sleeping; even if the ceiling fans are on, I need more than that. So when, last night the air was kicking on all throughout the night without fail and I still could not sleep, I had to re-rationalize my theory.

In all complete honesty, I think I am claustrophobic.

I do not like the feeling of having my windows closed tight. Even in the winter, except on the most coldest of winter nights, I keep the window over my bed ever so slightly cracked to act as that all-night humidifier (green note: without the waste and expense of running an electric humidifier or the mold build-up that can result, or the incessant filter changes. Okay--hopping off soapbox)

Although I have snorkled quite a bit, I don't enjoy the breathing aspect of it nor having the mask over my eyes. I get panicky easily. I could never bring myself to take a scuba class while in Thailand (and I was there long enough to actually take one). This was an accentuated trait during my first pregnancy when, having entered the Sistene Chapel after hours of waiting, I could not appreciate the beauty once inside due to the stale air, the hundreds of people and the horrible, nagging feeling that I could never find my way back out. In month 4.5 of pregnancy I climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower. In mid-June. It was hot. But I was NOT going to take an elevator...

Whenever possible I avoid elevators. I thought it was because I once was stuck in a really old one back when I was about La Princesita's age. Now I think it is because I really feel uncomfortable in closed-in places.

I do not like my head covered nor my neck touched.

Come to think of it, the list does go on.

This is a brand-new revelation to me as of this evening. I had often joked about "being claustrophobic" in a pop-culture sense of the term--like everyone has some fear, be it of spiders, heights...almost a 'conversation topic' in a way. However, thinking back on certain very strong reactions I have without even consciously realizing this--for example, my extreme sleeplessness being due to the fact that my windows all shut tight as opposed to the lack of fresh (?!) outside air circulating in my room that I had always said was my reason why... hmmm... --makes me question this as a veritable hang-up I have.

So what to do with all this time on my hands? I suppose I could make a midnight run to the gym and have a great work-out all by myself--but I already did that this morning in an effort to thoroughly tire myself out for sleep tonight. Not happening. Sudoku? Crosswords? Bore myself to sleep? Always an option, I suppose. Nothing good on TV on a Sunday night anymore..although I see that NEXT Sunday at 9 there is a Best of Mike Myers special--ah, my SNL generation.

I *could* actually work... nah, too easy.

(sigh) Sweet dreams, y'all.