psycho mother from hell

Okay, granted I live in "Alpha Mom" land.

This is the term I have given to the tendency, that I am certain exists everywhere but here, in Ivy League Corridor, is especially prevalent among mothers to push their children to be involved in everything, to have every last minute of their waking hours scheduled with activity after activity, and doing their homework for them and ensuring that their good name as parents is maintained through the overachievement of their youngsters.

But today's events blindsided me.

I had my strong feelings about this particular mother the first time we met, in the produce section of Whole Paycheck. It was Valentine's Day, a day I do not observe except to make valentines with my children, and she was in a panic regarding what kind of chocolate she ought to purchase for the special "dessert" of the night.

With my (nasty) mind, of course, I was thinking, 'Why, the most spreadable possible...'

But we had just met and I did not want her getting the wrong idea about me (a-hem).

So then she asked what I would do and, as I opened my mouth to answer, another flood of other worries came rushing out at me and I had to grasp my shopping cart so as to not be knocked over with the flood.

Okay, so I exaggerate just a bit. Point is, every time I opened my mouth to answer a question she posed to me, she herself went on as if it were hypothetical. No problem, I thought...we just met, sometimes we all get a little nervous when we first meet someone but...ay ay ay. I don't know if I can take this woman.

Over margaritas at Artie's a couple nights later I mentioned this to my girlfriends. One had been an expressive therapist with a local hospital, and she said that this lady sounds like many of her patients. "Just be nice but stay at a distance," I was advised.

P.M. (Psycho Mom) telephoned to inquire if La Princesita would be interested in a playdate. I explained that, during the days I (at that time) was with various students and I really didn't feel comfortable having other children at my home when I could not be 100% available for supervision...nor did I want to take unfair advantage of an offer that would turn into "childcare" since I would be working. She countered that she could also be at my house but then quickly added, "And don't worry, I wouldn't go through your purse or be getting into your personal belongings or anything."

I honestly did not know what to think about that remark, and could not figure out how on Earth such a thought could occur to somebody.

Over the course of the past couple of months, her daughter and mine happened to be on the same T-ball team, and her husband was the coach. I can take him with a grain of salt, and as she and I got to know each other a bit more, I felt that she relaxed more and we watched many games together and actually enjoyed our time together with the other parents watching the games. A little intense at times, but we all have our quirks, right? She's human, and I am all about giving new acquaintances the benefit of the doubt--especially if we are going to be potentially "connected" for the next 12 years through the schooling of our daughters.

So...

Today she called me, extremely upset by the fact that the kindergarten class, as well as the 1st and 2nd grade classes in the same corridor of the elementary school, was in their second day without air conditioning. She was disturbed by the fact that the children had to go to another classroom and sit on the floor for part of their classtime today. They were slated to take a standardized test today which was postponed until tomorrow due to the uncomfortable classroom conditions. Curriculum teaching is essentially over; the school year ends on Friday.

She had been on the telephone to various "powers that be" yesterday to complain. From the response, I am judging that this is not the first that They have heard from Her this school year.

So what happened today?

She "made" me telephone on her behalf 1) the County Board of Supervisors to find out to whom to complain, and then 2) the School System Main Offices to report and to find out what is wrong.

"Made" me...allow me to explain. She insisted on making a three-way conference call ("HA! My first threesome," I joked. She actually got it.) and then on remaining silent on the other line in order to "listen in" on what was said...as if to verify that I would actually make the call? The nerve. But what unfortunately got me involved was the indirect definition with which she assessed others' parenting, by stating that full-time working mothers, of course, cannot be on the phone all the time about these matters but those of us who are not working full-time should be on the phone for the good of our children and the benefit of their education, standing up for them and not letting things slide...in other words, imposing that BAD mommies don't call, GOOD mommies do call.

That, of course, in my present mental and emotional state, is a raw spot with me and I won't have anyone questioning my parenting. I tried to rationalize everything with her calmly, explaining that they were trying to not have to extend the school year another day into next week and making everything work, that the children were not upset and, instead had a great time. If it had been for a week at the beginning of, say, May when curriculum was still being taught and there was no evidence of anything being done to remedy the situation--well, then things would have been different.

But this is one of the best school districts in the country. That does not happen here, and apparently there are some parents who still look for any problem spots, no matter how microscopic in nature, and make the mountain out of the proverbial molehill. I spoke to another mother who knows P.M. and she told me horror story after horror story of what she has had to deal with being co-room parents with her...and what the kindergarten teachers think of her, let alone the PTA President and the principal.

Yikes. Unfortunately, the one who will end up suffering will inevitably be her daughter. This other mother with whom I spoke has a child diagnosed this year with ADHD, and she said that this woman demonstrates how ADHD, when not worked with, manifests in adults. Incapability of reading social cues. Mind whirring at 100 mph without realizing that things are not operating in a linear fashion. Intense in her dealings with people. She needs understanding--but at the same time, she needs to not corner people in the way she cornered me today, or she will only succeed in isolating herself.

Fortunately I am extremely diplomatic, I can make inquiries and find out information without anyone feeling threatened--and basically, as the adage goes, tell someone I don't know to go to hell and make them look forward to the trip.

But not to her. We must peacefully coexist for a long time to come, and that will not solve anything.

Time to put this caller ID to good use.