la primavera

Good days and bad days.

I am ready to have more good ones than bad ones now, but the ratio is not yet in my favor. Going to work was a wonderful release last week, although it does hurt to project my voice as normal. I can't reach as high on the blackboard as I am accustomed. Minor challenges, really.

A 30 minute coughing fit at 2 a.m. felt like it almost killed me. I have never known the pain and the fear caused by not being able to breathe for such a long period of time. I want to feel better now.

Why does Subaru offer their greatest deals and savings before March 31st this year? I know why, I am just complaining. I am not ready to go and even test-drive a new car yet--not for a couple more months, until MQE can drive again, too. Why bother until then?

A close friend is starting hearings this week, not in this country, in a case stemming from a past presidents' regime. Could face up to 9 years jail time, but is innocent. I have seen the legal paperwork; the case is all based in speculation, but judgment is in the hands of a corrupt system.

I know from another friend at the IMO in London that our friend in Malawi is trying to apply for a position with them, to get him and his family out of his tierra natal. I hope that something can be worked out. He at the IMO remains uncommittal.

It is hard when you care. Stressful. Sometimes I wonder why I bother when all I do is estresarme por completo.

Lots of memories flooding me all of a sudden this weekend of all those I have lost--I hope they are still watching over me and taking care of me. Were those the angels who saved our lives? No...the priest said that we can't become angels, it doesn't happen like that. As if a mortal alive here on Earth could actually determine how Angels are created by a Supreme Being.

I have been lost in a huge wave of nostalgia, very much missing those from whom I will never again hear and yet--wait--it is like I can hear that laugh, that voice right in my ears, still playing as if they are right behind me.

But I turn around and cry, they are not here.

I am ready for Spring. I want warm temperatures, flowers and soft earth into which I can plunge my fingers and grimy my fingernails and pull the weeds and begin to plant anew for the year.

That will make me feel better.