Some of this have this tenacity, others do not.
I tend to think myself as a type who blooms where planted. I have to. However, if there is something I feel could create a more fertile soil for my well-being, I want to pursue the possibility.
Wanting, however, is different than doing.
Today I feel like an absolute failure in Life. From the morning, every single thing I have attempted has ended in failure, all accentuating, of course, the Great Failure of my marriage.
I do not fail. I never fail. So how could I permit this to occur?
Perhaps my destiny as a failure is just now surfacing. Early life successes were to disillusion and to create in me a false optimism that anything is truly possible if tenatious enough to pursue that end. I am growing increasingly pessimistic (or is that realistic?) as my days continue forth.
*---*
I am now more censored than before in what I can write here. Perhaps it is getting to be time to leave mapiprincesa behind forever and, if I were to continue to write, continue forth completely anonymous. I am not yet certain what my next step will be--it is hard to believe that I used to believe myself so strong and now I am letting someone else rob me of my voice.
Tomorrow will be a better day. It can only be better. Such are the rough roads now. Am I tenatious enough? I suppose I am learning that each day as well.
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Hugs, hugs and more hugs. You need someone to hold you right now and tell you everything will be okay. I can only do that from a distance.
ResponderEliminarAnd it may never be perfect, and there are likely more bumps ahead, but it will be okay. You will find joy again.
I've come to recognize that leaving my 10 year relationship was not a failure. I did not fail. I learned that I made a mistake, and I corrected it. I decided not to settle for something less than what I deserved.
You're not perfect. No one is. Give yourself a break. Choose your battles. Accept "done" and "good enough" in situations where appropriate, saving energy for other situations which may require more.
ResponderEliminarI'd hate to think you have your entire identity wrapped up in a failed marriage. Marriage is TWO people. And the marriage ( a thing) is failed. That does not make the people involved complete and absolute failures in every aspect of their existence on this earth.
This is a very blanket statement given with absolutely no knowledge of what specifically led up to your post. So, as usual, take it (or leave it) for what it's worth.
My heart as always goes out to you my friend. Praying you get that extra help / grace that you need when you reach that point where you feel you can no longer do it yourself. And also, hoping that you and your blog don't disappear!
ResponderEliminarWhen you put so much of yourself into making something; into creating something (your heart, mind, soul) it is difficult to pull back and say - I have done all I can. This will not change and it is time to invest that energy in something else; create something new.
ResponderEliminarIt is about sensing the changes in the road and the phases of a relationship or of life and knowing it is time to change. It is about adapting the lessons from the investment and applying them to the newest creation.
Maybe it is like a drawing - we sketch and sketch and then find ourselves looking at something that just isn't right... so we start again with full recognition that we didn't waste the time before as we learned from that venture. The first sketch was not a failure but a step in the process.
Life is a learning road.
ResponderEliminarIt will be ok. The roadblocks you have now are just waiting for you to push them aside.
Don't stop and contemplate failure. That's how it gets you.
((((you))))
Always know one important thing too - - you are human. It's OK to cry sometimes, don't beat yourself up about it.
ResponderEliminarTake the bumps in stride the best you can, break down when you need to, and dust yourself off after a bit and get back up on that horse.
A marriage that produced two beautiful children is not a complete failure.
You are not a failure in way shape or form Mapi. Trust me.
ResponderEliminarYou are in dark times right now. Thats for sure. But, that is not going to last forever. It might feel like it right now. But it will pass.
And no, your successes weren't there only to lead you up to a big fall. It's just the "lens" that you are viewing your life through right now makes it seem like that. Like a fisheye lens disorts the image taken by a camera.
please don't allow yourself to be censored by anyone Mapi. And don't disappear. Your voice needs to be heard. No one has the right to make you feel like that. No One.... Ever....
Keep fighting Mapi. You can do this.
My heart goes out to you. I know how you feel but please do not blame yourself. Marriage takes TWO. It is not a complete failure for you have produced two beautiful children...it now is simply two people who wish to go in different directions. I am praying for you to have strength and determination to do what you feel is right and what is right for your family. Unhappiness takes on a life of its own and affects all of you. Please don't let that become a prominent memory of a good portion of your life. But most of all....don't blame yourself....YOU ARE NOT a failure. God Bless.
ResponderEliminarI (heart) you
ResponderEliminarHugs honey.
ResponderEliminarI'm sorry that you are feeling so lost right now. I truly think you need to let it out. Keeping it bottled up... well, its not good for anyone.
I'm right there with you.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. But one person cannot make a marriage, and so failure isn't the issue. You will bloom again.
ResponderEliminarAnd if you do go underground, I hope you'll let me know where the new blog is.
You're not a failure. Divorce is the single hardest, most painful thing I ever went through. It's rough! It's not an indictment on your life. Remember that it takes two to tango. You've written legions about how He doesn't lift a finger. Don't allow yourself to carry all the burden and blame. Try to focus on whatever joy and gratitude you can find in your life, and don't let the negative thoughts destroy your tenacious spirit.
ResponderEliminarBe well