bags of maize, vol. 2

MQE went to the store on Friday and purchased 7 cans of Spam, 7 cans of beans, 7 cans of fish and two bags of corn. This totaled USD$55.00. He then proceeded to take this to the post office and asked them to tell him how much it would cost to send this to J in Malawi, and to make sure that he received it (requiring registered mail--certainly shipping protein-laden food to a famine-stricken country is not going to guarantee that the shipment will ever reach the intended recipient, correct?). The total came to just under USD$800.00!!! 800 f*&^%$#@!g dollars, excuse my expletives. Just to ship that amount of food without a registered receipt would come to USD$300.00.

For perspective's sake, keep in mind that the average yearly salary in Malawi is USD$200.00.

It is thus a better-spent penny if we simply wire him money each week for, yes, bags of maize instead of trying to send him food that could help him, his family and perhaps his neighbors more.

This, again, has me sick. Why does it need to be so damned difficult to feed somebody who is hungry? Why does The System have to make it so difficult for us to help somebody we want to help without paying off a charity organization's overhead and without guarantee that our personal friend will ever experience any benefit?

My heart hurts and my head aches.

mardi gras mambo

MQE and I met and married in N'awlins. I was a grad student at Tulane U., and he was on a three year voluntary recall to active duty with the Navy. The last time my family was all together was in N'awlins for our wedding..six months after which my father died, slipping away also while I was in N'awlins. I was honored to be a part of a pretty dynamic graduate department at Tulane, extremely humbled in the experience, and made some of the closest friends I have ever made in my life while there. During my first Mardi Gras, I lived two blocks off of the Vieux Carré, and while madly typing away on a paper for class on Lundi Gras I heard gunshots; my next door neighbor was shot and killed in a drunken argument with a "friend". I was waist-deep in a current of water on Broadway Street in a tropical storm, trying to find my car that was flooded to the steering wheel, dodging street-kayaking fraternity boys along the way. Two weeks later, MQE and I were in that same car, just returned to us, evacuating to Memphis a category-5 Hurricane Georges that, in the end, turned east at the last moment and slammed Mobile instead. We experienced days with no water, what was at times sporadic electricity, life next to the Audubon Tavern II--as well as the charm and the history that St. Charles Avenue, the Audubon Park and Zoo, the Garden District, the waterfront, and the various cemetaries offer to all. The Vieux Carré Ghost tours, the Ann Rice goth groupies, "I can tell y'all where ya gotcho shoes", beignets at the Café Du Monde, Masses at St. Mary's of the Ursuline Convent, endless walks along the Mississippi River, the stark realization that the tops of the houses are actually lower than the level of the water on the other side of the levees, knowing that drunk drivers are the only who drive straight because all sober people know where to swerve to miss all the potholes, the drive-through daiquiri stands, Jazz Fest in its sweltering sweaty dusty glory, great culinary delights found in Jaquimos Lola's Mona's Nirvana--our favorites--, Saturday morning bagel dates at CC's on the corner of Magazine and Jefferson, gay pride, Louis Armed-and-Strong Park...all of these images contributed to the cacophony of memories that inundated us as we watched in horror as this city, where we met and fell love, that witnessed so many of our huge Life Changes, filled with water, what I remember being our greatest fear.

We experienced three Mardi Gras celebrations during our years in N'awlins. We were fortunate to get to know wonderful people who lived right on the corner of Bourbon and St. Ann, so we could experience Mardi Gras as it was meant to be experienced according to the locals--as a part of a family. We were embraced by the city, and have never yet forgotten its kindnesses.

This week I wear my beads with great pride. I have earned the right to wear them. I wear them for all those friends of ours who are still there trying to put their lives back together. Laissez les bons temps rouler, y'all! I will do a second line in your honor, and teach my children to do the same.

farm animals, rocks and streams

Yesterday was quite relaxing. It was a gorgeous day, temperatures not so chilled, a pre-spring day that allowed us to enjoy the outdoors without heavy jackets for the majority of the daylight hours.

We had made plans to go out to the Farm out in front of the hills, a good 1 1/2 hour drive from here, to pick up another 1/2 animal we had ordered for our freezer. It is an organic farm, all grass-fed animals, very healthy, in a really beautiful location. The family has had that farm since the 1820's and it is nice to be able to support such a longstanding local effort of growers. The kids got to get up close and personal with some horses, since all the sheep and cows were too far away in their grazing--they have a vast 800+ acres of land--but we would like to go back in early summer when there are new babies to behold.

The highlight was a beautiful mountain stream that runs through the property. The babbling brook beckoned to both my children, to which they responded with great delight. C simply loved throwing rock after rock into the brook, while K found long sticks on the ground that she could use to pretend to fish. I got the chance to demonstrate some rock-skipping prowess and take some photos that I hope will turn out nice--we shall see within the week.

The solitude and peace that my soul feels out there reinvigorates my desire to move away from the bustling suburban life we now live. If MQE's workplace move has us going out closer to that same general area, I will not be upset with anything but leaving the incredible community of friends I have met here...but it is all starting over yet again, something I have done so many times in my adult life and I know I can adapt again.

catharis con compais

I am in a position at the Uni. where I do not get the opportunity to acquaint myself with many of my colleagues, quite simply due to the fact that I only teach part-time two evenings a week. Yesterday's conference ended up being a great door-opener for me in that sense, not only allowing for a great sharing of ideas and opinions during the conference but also for fomenting bonds that create a community of women. A group of 12 women from the Department went out for Mexican food and drinks following the conference--and for four straight hours we sat, told stories, drank our daiquiris margaritas wine beer you name it--and most importantly, laughed like I have not laughed in ages. Much of what was said must not be repeated...but I will say that I will never in my life ever think of "jazz hands" in the same way, ever. ever again!

After such wonderful nights there are always vows of continuing Happy Hours on a monthly or bimonthly basis. Something like that might be good for Departmental morale---as long as it is kept a bit down in frequency, I would think, or the issue might become forced. But anyway--leave it to me to always overthink and overanalyze. Point is, we all had a great time and hopefully will be spending just a litte more time with each other outside the claustrophobic hallways of T. Hall.

E and I also have set our sushi date for after Spring Break so we can tell each other all about our trips...she's going to Tahoe, we are going to Memphis. Sounds like we'll have lots to talk about!

joys in the exes...

I absolutely love running in to my ex-students. I was lucky to be able to see two yesterday, one from over a year ago and another from last term. I am a lucky teacher in that I have no problems rapidly establishing rapport with those in my classes, and this connection allows them to open up, open their mouths, err, be corrected, and enjoy themselves in an unthreatening atmosphere. I am not quite sure how that happens, but I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, since something must be right.

We have a writing rubric conference continuing today, in which I am particularly interested in participating. There is as of yet no established departmental standard as to the correction of compositions at all levels and some sort of a coherent guideline would be particularly beneficial, especially to the more advanced students. For one to give a C- for writing skills that another would rate as a B+ is ludicrous. The only problem is that there is so much "old blood" in the Department that remain staunch and inflexible, unwilling to adapt and change to new teaching styles, improve upon themselves and, in turn, create a stronger departmental core/corps. At any rate, I look greatly forward to putting my two cents' worth in...as those of you who know me well can attest, I do jump at any chance I have to express my opinion.

We did one of my favorite activities in my intermediate class last night in order to practice the use of the subjunctive, the palmreading exercise. It works so well in a class that feels so comfortable with each other, and it can be so fun. I have to stay on them to remain in Spanish, as there is still so much they have yet to learn to express, but these are the kinds of extra-textual things that can really expand their language skills in the context of FUN!

After all, that's what it is all about, ¿no?

great dreams...awaiting the opportunity...

MQE and I were talking last night about the day's occurrances. My department chair acknowledged to me a couple of perfect numerical evaluations I received from the lit and composition course I taught last term, an email which I forwarded to MQE and I also mentioned that I responded in kind to my chair, expressing my gratitude in having been granted the opportunity to teach that class, to get back to my literature roots, and that I would jump at the opportunity to do so again. Perhaps if the seed is appropriately planted...

To which MQE replied, why don't I just develop my own course to present to the department to teach?

Funny he should say that...

I had spoken with the assistant chair last term about exactly that, developing a survey course in Latin American contemporary feminist literature, a six-credit semester-long course. It would be so much fun for me to develop and teach. I would just have to ensure the requirements for the course would jive with major/minor requisites, as it would be either a 300 or 400 level course.

Being as completely exhausted as I was last night when MQE and I were talking, I then got so excited about the possibility that I couldn't fall asleep! Running through the requirements, the general course outline...I would have such a good time designing the course that I would never get the rest of my work done around here. MQE thinks that I should work on the course and present it to the Department. I just honestly have no idea where I would find the time to do so. I already feel like I do a minimal mothering job, the house completely suffers, and I could eat better (read: more) than I do resulting from my current workload.

But I love it. Why am I so torn? If only we could afford a full-time babysitter!!!!--in the house while I'm in the house, and I could pop in and out on my breaks and give my children time...oh, pipe dreams. I am full of 'em--no, honey, not full of IT, full of 'em.

johari window?

Have you ever done this? Worth a shot...here's the link to mine, both positive and negative:

http://kevan.org/johari?name=mapiprincesa (the positive)

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=mapiprincesa (the negative)

Just for fun...???

mier........coles

hay un doble sentido allí, ¿no? lo pensaba completamente apropiada para describir el día que tengo adelante...

Bueno...

The time stamp tells all. No time today. No room in the Inn. The entire family plus cat stuffed into our queen-sized bed leaves only about 8 inches for Mommy, so I have, as of 3:00 a.m. given up the fight.

If we move, I will be finding a home with a bigger master bedroom so we can get ourselves a king.

Wednesdays are the hardest days of my workweek. There is only one day between the two that I teach, and it so works out this week that I have 53 papers to grade by tomorrow at 4:30, not to mention lessons to plan, and a few students who have promised they are coming to office hours tomorrow. Fortunately I have already some creative ideas at play for work--I think we'll do some palm reading in the intermediate class to practice subjunctive and commands. We'll make signs in the basic class to practice the se-impersonal and a few other things. I promised I'd bring in some Buena Vista Social Club to my intermediates for a saborcito de la música cubana. And then, to figure out what in the world I will put on the table for dinner tonight, let alone breakfast and lunch.

Sometimes I wish I could settle for mediocrity.

Pero para mi no basta.

Best not to speak to me today. It doesn't look like much is coming out in English.

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar-buuuuuuuuuukies, where aaaaaaaaaaaare you?

juggling act

Although I look forward to my teaching days, I still find it quite the juggling act to try to prepare myself, shower, clean up the frumpy appearance, actually put on makeup, get my papers in order, complete last-minute lesson plans and changes of plans, get snacks ready for the sitter, have everyone changed and fed before she shows up, and still dedicate QUALITY time to my children on these two days of the week. It's hard...but then again, nobody ever said it would be easy, right?

C slept ALL NIGHT LONG in his new Big Boy Bed last night. YIPPEEE! I think that he likes the freedom of being able to get in and out of it by himself. Autonomy is a biggee for an 18 month old. Next we'll have to work on a little diaper autonomy...but I think we'll wait until the weather gets a trite warmer for bare tushies running around the house again.

So much more to say...so much I just can't do it right now. Must go and dig up more of that Quality Time!

this week's housewives

Okay, Bree...I said you had a problem. I think you are in for a long, hard road...

Gabi, your mamacita sure has some issues. Boy...good thing Carlos can see that. What a good man. I'm impressed at the depth we are now seeing between the two of you, having started out being so superficial!

Quote of the night #1: "New boobs!" (Gabi's mother)
Quote of the night #2: "I'm pulling out, watch your boobs." (Gabi)

Need I say more?

new Big Boy bed

We took apart the crib today, this time for good.

We put it downstairs to await garage sale days.

We set up C's brand new Big Boy bed.

He is playing joyfully with his sister on it now.

I cried.

peace

Yesterday was not a peaceful day in K's little-but yet, so big-heart.

It seemed that she and her brother were constantly at each other, there were so many tears spilled over trivial items and I spent much of the little "free" time I had yesterday holding her and letting her cry on my lap.

At Mass last night, when it came time to deliver the sign of peace to our neighbors, I believe she wanted to shake the hand of the lady behind us, but A seemed to not see her for some reason (which, as a sidebar, is unusual) and this sent K off into a crying fit of emotion--so I scooped her up into my arms and carried her out into the narthex where we sat on the floor and I just let her sob and tell me what had happened.

I told her that I cry often during the sign of peace time at Church, too. It can be hard to give peace when I don't feel peaceful inside. Then a little boy, younger than K, came over and, having heard what she said about nobody wanting to shake her hand, offered to her his hand to shake. She did accept, and that warmed my heart.

K is an incredibly sensitive soul, much like myself. However, even if not malintentioned (is that a word?), if one's actions do not correspond necessarily to my expectations, this can set me off into an emotionally destructive tailspin--and I see the same occurring with my daughter. I have always believe myself to be blessed to be such an emotionally sensitive person. I think that made me a very good musician when I was growing up--or perhaps, musicianship provided me with that emotional outlet that I required. I love seeing that emotional and empathetic side of my daughter develop--but I need to take care to help to channel her emotions so they may be productive and not destructive to character.

productivity and self-worth

Yesterday was an incredibly productive day. MQE and I sat down and, in under three hours completely finished our 2005 taxes. I joined forces with a coworker on-line and we were able to get an exam created. I was able to get another written for my class and sent off. We got to go to Mass last night and read lots of dinosaur stories before bedtime. Days like yesterday make me feel like a productive member of society, a feeling which my emotional sense of esteem seems to require; if there is nothing to show for the time I invested in a project, then on what did I just waste my time? I like to see RESULTS! MQE and I were talking about that in the context of maintaining a clean house. I was reminiscing about our time in New Orleans, how I would dedicate the first four hours of each Friday morning cleaning our house from top to bottom, getting the laundry taken care of, the wood floors vinegared, the millions of houseplants we had watered and appropriately fed, the sofa cushions turned...ah, such were the days. Laughing, MQE reminded me of the fact that we now have two destructo-monsters and it is now a futile attempt to even attempt such a schedule, as within an hour of having begun the work, there will be no evidence left of having cleaned at all.

We'll just keep with attacking the dustbunnies, I suppose, and that is going to have to do for a while longer. Will things ever go back to "normal" for me once children are old enough to be in school, at least in the mornings? I sure hope so...but until then I must watch myself to not allow the anticipation of those days overshadow the fun that we are having now.

It is an absolutely frigid day. Perhaps a good day for taking K ice skating? We will have to see if MQE will be willing to watch C for a block of time today. We haven't tried ice skating since K was just 2, and she did alright then.

so many helping hands

I have yet to receive word that J received his money yesterday in Monkey Bay. Perhaps he will get it today. I just want to make sure he receives it, and the remittance in full.

MQE mentioned sending a case of Spam...being from Hawai'i that is, of course, considered on an equal plane to gourmet cuisine. I spoke of this to P while dropping K off at preschool yesterday and she said the MOMs group of which she is a member would probably be interested in sending some boxes of protein-laden non-perishables. I wrote J yesterday and asked him to 1) let us know as soon as he gets the money for maize, 2) to let us know if they can cook, 3) if such aid would indeed help them, and 4) if that would actually ever reach him. We shall await answers before acting.

So there are more possibilites, if he responds that he would indeed receive the shipments personally. My fear is that any food items will be confiscated upon entering the country and only getting to the "haves".

In South America, the slum in which I taught was dusty, poor, laden with disease, children dying of conditions completely treatable here in the United States, scarce if existent electricity, no running water. Most children were lucky to even make it to the 6th grade of an elementary school education...one of M's sixth graders even had to drop out while we were there because she got pregnant...and most would likely not continue on with formal education. The teachers in this escuelita I worked with, lunched with, I couldn't say were starving, however; although not necessarily eating in a perfectly well-balanced diet, they had food and plenty to share with their gringa guest. One of my friends married a girl from there, Mapasingue. As of my graduation from university a year and a half later, he could not as of yet arrange a visa for her as the goverment would not acknowledge the truth in their marriage. I have yet to know if D ever got G here, or if he went back there.

Perhaps South America should be fodder for another reflection blog, much like my nakanojofurusato site. We shall see.

*sigh* Along these "worldy concern" lines, I suppose today is as good a day as ever to get our taxes done. Since Saturday Morning Cartoons are on the network stations (as we don't subscribe to cable), the children can be babysat in the cheapest way possible while MQE and I can get some solid work done. Then I have a test to write. Busy day! Snow showers this morning, no major accumulation, so no worries here!

Bags of maize

Our friend in Monkey Bay, Malawi wrote back, letting us know that we can safely send money his way through Western Union. I guess a bag of maize goes for US$24-27.

Dear God, can we NOT do more than just buy him a few bags of maize?????????????

I suppose, therefore, we have some things to do today...after MQE and my breakfast date first (read the irony) since the Western Union office probably isn't open yet.

I just feel quasi-sick inside.

February warmth

The sun brings such a pleasant warmth to what would normally be a late-winter chill. Even with a good twelve to fifteen centimeters of snow remaining on much of our grass, following an official snowfall amount of 14.1inches/35.8 centimeters for our town that fell on Sunday, we are now blessed with a post-snow and pre-cold front couple of warm (relatively-speaking), 60F/15.5C degree days.

I sat out in the sun yesterday while the children played and splashed in the puddles that the melting snow leaves behind. With the rays of sun soaking into the skin of my face, I closed my eyes and could imagine the rays of light reaching deeply into my soul, touching my heart, elevating my mood and bringing out my, as of late, rather dormant smiles. The sun's energy created in me a new motivation, to complete my workload and to spend more time with my children. I needed to have some reconnecting time with the sun; it has been long overdue.

Mapiprincesa...it is I...

Pachamama, the Incan sun goddess of Machu Picchu, always in awe and reverence of Inti Raymi, the sun god. I salute you--perhaps I am your modern reincarnation!

shut up and listen time again?

Yeah, the voice is leaving me again...feels like this time a cold has caught me.

Okay...so I am listening...and I'm not complaining...

sobering hunger concerns

We just received an email from an ex-classmate of MQE's pleading for his help with severe hunger plaguing his country. He lives in Malawi. We are aware of the severe famine in Malawi and had been in contact with him last year, at which time he responded that the famine is pretty much only affecting the countryside, not the cities. Now it appears that tides have shifted.

How do we respond to such a plea? What should we do? I am admittedly at a loss--I can honestly say that I have never had a personal friend experiencing severe starvation before now. It's not like I can simply go to the store and buy him and his family food, either...if this is true, anything sent his way could be confiscated, as hunger drives people to, reasonably, demonstrate extreme behavior. We will contact him today to find out what we can do.

And here I was, working on my lesson plans and looking forward to a fun Valentine's Day and wondering what in my plethora of food in the house I will prepare for tonight's dinner...such incredibly unimportant existential issues..

body aches

After not having had to shovel this much snow in so long, I am amazed as to how sore I am today. It is not like I am out of shape; on the contrary, I am still religiously rowing a good 4 times a week. Evidently I am not using certain muscle groups while rowing that I use while shoveling snow.

I know...duh.

The good thing is my arms look great. Too bad it's not sundress and tanktop season.

Oh, going vain again. How does one stop oneself from vanity? I think I need a J fix...every time I feel too vain, she puts it all into relative perspective!

this week's housewives

Okay, Bree, are you absolutely crazy? Like I said before, heading right for AA. Kudos for getting the Applewhite story out, finally, but geez...at what cost?

Quote of the night #1: For puke's sake (Edie, of course)
Quote of the night #2: Mary and Joseph should have called ahead (Gabrielle, of course)

Mrs. Hooper reappearance has totally given me the heebiejeebies. I can't quite figure this out, but her death must have been staged, and staged well enough to fool the cops...unless they're all in on this as a plot to trap people involved in the entire situation.

Poor Susan..left at the altar by a gay dude. That is about rock bottom, isn't it? She really needs to get some guts and get a second opinion on the whole wandering spleen issue, anyway. I don't trust the doctor. He's a bad boy, but Mike and Susan are just so darned cute. The entire re-marriage thing is just really going to broil Edie's burgers...just you wait.

The Tom and Ed frat party is just ridiculous. Are men really that immature? Do they really hang on to their past lives like that? The constant hazing...I don't know. I couldn't work with my husband under those circumstances. And Lynette just totally grossed me out eating that pork raw...doesn't she know about trich.? Quick, Tom...get the bucket!

Oh, and Gabi...how I would DIE for a maid like yours!

bringing the world together?

Isn't it funny that, whenever it snows, people who never have before even acknowledged your presence on this Earth become your best friend? It is the coming together by the common bond of having to shovel snow out of our driveways, our sidewalks and our lives in a mutual effort of cooperation with local authorities to clean up the Town following a storm.

Which brings me to my next point:

When the Town asks us to clear the sidewalks of snow and ice, the Town should make more of an effort to snowplow the roads laced with sidewalks first. These, for the most part, are the main roads of the Town. My husband and I have just spent the last six hours of our lives shoveling snow, completely clearing our driveway, sidewalk and that of our neighbors, and were putting our shovels away when the town snowplow truck comes whizzing by again, sloshing slushy snow and ice all over that which we had just completely cleared. We have now cleared that up as well, but are left incredibly irked that we had to do the job twice.

My entire body is sore and I will be hurting tomorrow for sure. Now for a nice hot shower, then maybe a Buckies hot cocoa run.

Catharsis in Snow Shoveling

There is absolutely nothing in the world comparable to the cleansing of the soul that occurs on a quiet Sunday morning while shoveling out of a foot of snow. The surrounding silence contributes to the peaceful setting that allows one to work, sweat, reflect, admire Mother Nature's beauty and greet other neighbors out seeking the same post-storm calm.

Deep breaths...

I have come to the decision that I will not take the offered position of organizing and chairing a session of that upcoming languages conference. After weekends like this, I am left with an overwhelming feeling of loss, of time wasted on students' papers that ought to be instead spent with my children. The conference would only add to the hodgepodge of multitasking in which I constantly find myself metida and I would be completely crazy to add something else to my already overflowing Life. Even if I love to teach, my first career is that of being the best Mother I can be to my children, and if I teach them that they are always to be sacrificed in the name of my classes, then that would mean I had become the worst teacher I could possibly become.

Okay...time to hit the snow! I did my shoveling--it is now MQE's turn to get the rest of the driveway. I am going to make a snowman family!!! WHOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Over 12 inches of snow!! Sweet powder...how I wish I could go skiing today...

swooooooooooooosh

Good things come...

to those who wait?

Well, we have waited all winter and finally have some snow to show for it. After our late Fall accumulation it was time to jump back into more seasonal weather. The kids are so excited about the snow; at least tomorrow morning they get to wake up to a good 8-10 inches, it looks like right now from the window.

I'm glad MQE is home so he can do the shoveling this time. I had to during the last three storms.

However, the fun in the snow cannot last all day with the kids. When they are cold and done outside, we have plenty of Valentines to work on for school on Monday. P invited us over to their place for sledding if we can make it through the roads, so we will have to see, and RE is cancelled for tomorrow morning, so I can actually make my family a decent meal instead of neglecting them for work--the story of my Life this weekend.

Muy bien...it is almost 3 a.m. and work needs to be finished. Time to get cracking.

blogblock

I haven't been able to write lately. Perhaps a bit of a blog-block, but that is the way It goes sometimes.

The amounts of snow that may fall tomorrow are questionable. I suppose we will just have to wait and see what Mother Nature has in store for us. K is sure to be wearing her jammies inside-out tonight, though...!

It is just a busy time...between Valentines for preschool, trying to get MQE's present done--which ought to have been done for Christmas but just didn't get done in time for that holiday and I'll be darned if I stretch it all the way out to Easter or our anniversary--and 55 exams to correct, workbook pages to review, homework packets to grade and next week's lesson plans to complete, I feel like I am about ready to drown. Clean house??? Dinner? Meals? What's that???

I am simply suffering from a distinct Lack of Motivation and could use a bit of a getaway. One day...we shall see if that might be in my stars. P and I were talking about escaping to the Caribbean together...she needs a break perhaps more than I do, but fortunately she has family somewhat in the general, within-driving-distance area so it isn't so hard for her to get away.

hooked on oppai?

For some reason this week we seem to have a renewed interest in my oppai (see definition on below post) on the part of my eldest. Today while she was getting dressed I noticed her looking down at her own chest. Then she looked at mine, then pulled my sweater away and looked down my sweater. Trying so hard not to laugh, I asked if she was checking to see if they were still there, and she said "yeah."

gems, vol. 1

At preschool, this week is the letter O week. K and I were talking yesterday morning to try to figure out a good O -starting word to bring in to show and tell to her class. We came up with various options, but she said, "Mommy, how about your oppai?" This is Japanese for breasts, the word we used while still nursing my children so that, out in public, this code-word would not be so understood.

At least she has got initial sounds and letters down, without any worries!

In homage to a feminist voice

What an amazing thing she did for all women. In being the initiating voice of the Feminist Movement, Betty Freidan's greatest acheivement was that of allowing us to define our lives as we wish them to be defined, not as an imposed definition by a society or any other person or institution. For those women who want to pursue advanced degrees in fields other than nursing and education, they now can at least attempt to compete with men on what is becoming a more even slope. For those who wish to marry and stay home raising their children, they may because they have been given permission to do as they wish. I am lucky in that I have the best of both of these words, being able to stay at home while also maintaining a professional presence, and I am proud and ever-so-gracious to have been granted the opportunity to make such a decision.

The Feminine Mystique is all in how our identities as women are defined on the personal level. It is not about destroying the nucleus of the family, but instead allowing women to acheive that which they wish, allowing our voices to be heard, allowing ignorance to fade, and allowing greater equality on various levels.

Thank you, Betty, for allowing me to make my Life as fulfilling and multi-faceted as it is.

loss of voice

Every time I lose my voice (which, parenthetically, occurs once-thrice a year), I think that it is God's Little Way of telling me to shut up and listen, to stop being so opinionated and stop trying to control everything in my life, which is the main purpose of my voice.

So I must be in a shut-up-and-listen, get-off-your-soapbox, stop-trying-to-control-everything cycle right now.

wrinkle wreflections

When I was about 10 years old, I was told that, for every year you age you form a new wrinkle on your face to reflect that age.

Now, these are those little Tidbits of Wisdom that in reality make absolutely no sense but somehow compose that which you remember for the rest of your life. I grew up fearful of the "odd" years, due to the fact that I am very obsessed with symmetry and perfect balance in just about every aspect of my life. Imagine having more wrinkles on one side of the face than the other! For years I would squint into the mirror and count the lines around my eyes, furrowing my eyebrows, trying to prove this hypothesis, but (thus far luckily) have been unable to find truth to this fable.

professional vs. personal

Here is where the working part of me just soars...then crashes.

I was invited to organize and even to chair a session of a local upcoming Foreign Languages Conference, and it is an honor to even be considered, let alone asked outright. This kind of opportunity is great for my CV and professionally gives me a great deal of status in the Department at work.

However, we come to the issue that I am a full-time stay-at-home mamacita who "moonlights", shall we say, as university professor. I would love to jump at such a wonderful opportunity but know that, in accepting such a position that my family will take the brunt of the sacrifice. However, it would only be organizing a session, not an entire conference, which is much easier.

Torn, yes, but honored. The right answer will come to me, and I have a little time to think about it.

rejuvenation!

I went to see my new doctor today. She was a breath of fresh air, and it really is nice to find a perfect match. We have initiated a few dietary supplements, including fish oil, to try and even out my hormonal imbalances and my dietary lackings, while I have a prescription in hand for labwork to monitor thyroid levels, my anemia, Vit D deficiency and the like. I told her I am not looking for a quick solution to a dire problem; instead, that on a wellness level I am looking to lower stress, develop better habits, yet still enjoy Life. She also has two children, similar to mine in age, and that creates a definite connection and understanding between us. I think I am going to enjoy working with her for my well-being.

I am having a productive workday now, since MQE took the day as medical leave for my appointment. I got a test written, two proofread and am now taking a break from some grading and planning. Not too shabby, considering I have been up and about since 4 a.m. this morning.

I will crash...I just hope I get a few more hours in before that happens!

pensamientos

I can't seem to "sleep in" until 5:00 a.m. anymore. I think that my world is working against me in the sleep quest. On the bright side, however, that means I get a little more time in the morning to myself, and after whipping up my own gourmet coffee drink, I am set to go.

I wanted to comment on the (Sad) State of the Union address last night, but given I hardly heard a word of that or the response due to C's crying and whining through the entire speech, I feel exceptionally unqualified to give a dignified opinion.

The world, African-Americans and all women, lost yet another role model yesterday with the death of Coretta Scott King. As such a visible figure in the Civil Rights Movement, she was akin to Jackie Kennedy, and the legacy for which she fought so long following her husband's slaying must continue.