viernes, 9 de enero de 2009

coffee therapy

There is nothing more therapeutic than a morning spent with a girlfriend.

Or two.

Such rich conversations, filled with giggles and sighs, over cups of hot cappuccino are sometimes just what any doctor would order for attempting to solve the world's problems. Whenever this opportunity presents itself, with any of my girlfriends, I find myself mellow, tranquil, calmed and yet with spirit so recharged I feel anything is possible.

I need to make a habit out of this! Let's see how the upgrade to a w(h)ine night next Monday works...

*---*

The problem with an in-house separation is that it can be easy to take for granted that one parent might be around, even when not his night to "have" the kids, so that the other can take part in another activity. This occurred last night when I, assuming there was nothing on the calendar for the evening--precisely because there ISN'T anything on the calendar for that night--made alternate plans. Turns out He had other plans so I ended up not being able to do anything.

Okay, my bad. It wasn't my night off. The problem with this arrangement is, however, that I don't get a night off during the week. His nights with the kids are M/T, mine W/Th, and F goes to whoever has them for the weekend. The issue lies in the fact that he isn't coming back to the house until about 1/2 hour before the kids' bedtime any night of the week. This means, essentially, that every single night of the week is my night "on" and I don't get to make any alternate plans for any night of the week without children. Monday is the only exception; He has Mondays off, so he's in charge of them during that day. He also takes advantage of my being "around" by scheduling medical/counseling appointments for during that afternoon when he should be taking care of the kids. Instead, I am expected to be there to watch them until whenever he chooses to return. I don't feel that is particularly fair, especially when I am the one to have to change my plans around to accomodate him; he never has to change a thing to accomodate me, except perhaps to take a day off once in a while, which he does anyway--so I'd rather not be around when he does.

Rambling. Sorry. This just means that we are not going to be able to maintain this much longer. I have ceased to prepare meals for him. I no longer do his laundry nor clean his floor of the house (except my office that is downstairs right now). Yet I know that, in the end, I will have to be the b*tch and give him the goal deadline: Out by (insert date). And I'll have to find him the place, or he won't do it.

And I need to treat this as if he simply were not here. No activities on weeknights, aside from Mondays, that don't involve the children, because I simply cannot depend on him to take them, even if his night to have them. Not necessarily very fair to me, if I wanted to join a class or something, but fair is apparently not a part of the equation right now.

Or perhaps it is my punishment for breaking this marriage apart in the first place.

3 comentarios:

  1. Oh Mama, HE needs to get a sitter if HE wants to do somthing on Mondays during HIS time with the kids. You have the right to refuse HIS request that you watch the children FOR him - so you can make other plans on your day off! If you lived in seperate homes, this would be the case too. I feel for you sister. The living situation must be so difficult. Give HIM the boot!

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  2. I do not know how you are doing it. I hope soon you are able to see your way clear to kicking him to the curb.

    In the meantime, friendships are key. Mine saw me through, they really did. Still do - last night I met a girlfriend for dinner at 6:30 and we shut down the retaurant at 10.

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  3. I did the separated under one roof thing for nearly a year. It sucks. My Her was like your Him - she'd come home right at the kid's bedtime, sometime later. Horrible. Living in two homes is much better. Is that something you can swing?

    My queen size bed is too big for me solo. I need a bed buddy! How do you handle a king?

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