I am beginning a new phase of life.
This has greeted me with a new perspective and a fresh, confident ideal of not wanting or needing to find companionship on a romantic level. There is so much freedom in knowing that I don't need to have that to feel fulfilled, and the resulting strength is empowering.
However, I find myself at a crossroads because I think my ideal of finding men to pass platonic time with is just that: an ideal, a fantasy, something that I will probably not find. I recently had the opportunity to watch movies one evening with a male friend, for whom I feel no particular spark but who is wonderful company, extremely handsome and at a similar life stage. It was nice, platonic, no pressure felt and very comfortable.
When relating this evening spent in nice friendly company to my female friends, I am surprised at the reactions; namely that I am being naive to think that any man would not invest time like that if he didn't have deeper interest, in hopes that this would develop eventually into more. "Men can have all the patience in the world until they get what they want."
Perhaps that assessment is correct. Perhaps I am being naive. It would be nice to have a single person, woman or man, to be able to call and get together from time to time and just enjoy each other's company, much akin to how I spent this past weekend with my girlfriend from grad school, but without having to get on an airplane to do so. Even better if that person is also a parent, if only for the empathy and comprehension aspect. I simply have no desire, nor am legally able, to develop any relationship deeper than a friendship level, yet am starting to carry doubts of the existence of this no-expectation type of connection at this stage of life.
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You aren't being naive. I have a dinner date coming up with a man I have been buddies with for years. It's good to have friends of both sexes.
ResponderEliminarNot naive at all to seek friendship, it is a basic human need.
ResponderEliminarGood. Just scared to death to send a wrong signal. I do NOT want to do that, and I'm afraid that the mere association will/could be a lead-in for one and not for the other...
ResponderEliminarThanks for the input. Be well, both.
I agree with the other 2 ladies - it is not a naive desire!!
ResponderEliminarPossible a diffifult one to maintain but if the other party knows up front your intentions and needs from the relationship then they will also be able to make a decision about what they need and want from it!
Girl, just be honest. I have many male friends and yes, male company is always a good thing.
ResponderEliminarI agree with T. Make sure you are both on the same page with an honest conversation. I love my guy friends!
ResponderEliminarMen are fabulous friends... but I think the question is more whether they are willing to invest in a "friendship"? We all say yes, we like having male friends and spending time with them... but what is the male perspective? Do men want to invest in a friendship with a woman that will remain a friendship? (They should... but will they)
ResponderEliminarNo Mapi you aren't being naive.
ResponderEliminarBut, I would advise healthy caution. As a man I can fully confirm the statement about us being very, very patient until we get what we want. Just keep an eye out for any hint of attraction or playful forwardness. Avoid being in any situation that would lend itself to romantic feelings developing.
May I also suggest that if you are feeling that there is the possibility of "mistaken signals" occurring go ahead and bring it up to him. Make the boundaries fully known. It will be a big help.
Trust me, as a guy I have a lot of respect for a woman who makes it known up front that all she is looking for is a friend, and nothing more. It sets the "rules" early on and there is no "grey area" that can develop after a few glasses of wine, etc, etc. It eliminates the "what ifs" and "Well, maybes" that can come up when wou haven't discussed it.
I have a couple of female friends that I've truly enjoyed hanging out with. And its nice to get the female perspective on actions, and situations of other females, in addition to offering the same regarding men.
Having a wingwoman at a bar totally rocks as well! Just sayin'.
I'm a single dad who chases booty as much as the next guy. But I have platonic relationships with women. There are some single moms who I'll get together with just for coffee, drinks, dinner, a movie - and we have no romantic inclinations. We're just friends.
ResponderEliminarIt can happen in real life. Your friends have a small view of the world.
Hey, there's always us gay guys - A girl should always have a gay guy bud as a back up. I'll be yours!
ResponderEliminarBrad, darling, that is JUST what I'm looking for!!! Better yet, a latino gay who can DANCE! :) I like to go dancing...
ResponderEliminarBe well, all.