reflections on the old; resolutions in the new

Ah, 2008 is gone. History.

I began the month of December in quite a funk, not only due to the memory of and added loss but also due to what I perceived to have been a failure of a year. I wanted to have acheived my separation in 2008 and that did not happen.

However, I could not see at that point the great strides I have indeed made. What might seem like baby steps to some are huge to me. I have Him talking now in terms of "my weekend" vs. "his weekend" with the kids. I am no longer sitting home and crying during his time with the children; I am being productive, going out, enjoying my life and making the most of the freedom I have, trying to relax as much as possible so as to be a better mother when they are mine again. I am overcoming a fear of going out and doing things on my own; my basic insecurities that have ruled my life for so long are beign dismissed and I am coming out stronger and much more self-defined as a result.

And I am trying to laugh more.

That is how 2008 ended for me. What will 2009 have in store?

I want to build my business up just a bit more, as my youngest will be in school five mornings a week this coming year.

I want to cook more, bake more and eat out less.

I want to depend more on tea and less on coffee to keep my eyes open during the day.

Walk/bike more, drive less.

Simplify my life; less expenses, more experiences.

Develop more self-discipline regarding my computer use.

Define my various paths in my life.

Rid my life of that which is toxic and surround myself with healthy people and experiences.

More salads, less sweets.

More exercise, fewer excuses.

Get my backyard back into shape.

Ensure all in my life know who they are and what their roles in my life are; and conversely define what my role in their lives is.

Ascertain that He and I are playing on the same field, with the same expectations--about which, right now, I have an uncertain vibe resonating deep within me.

Start working on getting over my fear of confrontation.

Go somewhere I have never before been.

A new, different passport stamp? Hmmmm...would be nice!

Be the best mother I can be, and give thanks for these two greatest gifts I have been given each and every day of my life.

Keep a cleaner house.

Love more, live more; worry and resent less.

Let things go.

Be well.