Happy Birthday!

I can't believe my baby girl...

...is 6 years old today.

Warning for the weak at heart: below is the story of her birth.

11/2001

Dear Princesita—

How happy I am to finally be able to call you by name! Maybe one day you will want to learn about your birth, so I thought I’d write this while the details are still so fresh in my mind!

First of all, we did not know if you were a boy or a girl—we chose to be surprised! Many of our friends were betting on a boy—I am just so happy to have you healthy!

You were due on November 3, but my water broke at midnight on the dot on November 11th. I was very frustrated that evening because you had been kicking me so hard, my ankles were quite swollen and I was feeling all 50 of the pounds I had gained with you. You fell asleep around 11:00 p.m., so did I, then I got up to go to the bathroom around 11:55. Your father had just turned off his light when I felt a gush—and I told him that my water just broke, and to please hurry and grab a towel. He jumped out of bed so fast! He was so excited! He got up and shaved, brushed his teeth, got the final preps on our suitcases ready and called the insurance company. I called my doula, even though contractions had not heavily begun. I got things ready for ‘Huali, our cat, and packed the last few things. We called the hospital and went in around 2:30 a.m. My water kept gushing—a good 4 pounds worth!—and I knew I couldn’t sleep in my own bed that way. So we checked in and the a.m. nurse got a monitor on me to check your heartbeat. They called my midwife at around 7 a.m. and, as my contractions had died off by 9 a.m., the staff decided to induce my contractions with Pitocin starting at 10 a.m. They had to continue augmenting the Pitocin drip because my contractions wouldn’t increase, even when I would walk. I was not dilating very quickly, which was frustrating me and making me nervous because I knew I only had until midnight to have you, or they would c-section me due to risk of infection, which I did not want happening.

Throughout early labor they had me try many different positions, but when the contractions were becoming more intense, I preferred to sit in a rocking chair with my feet in a pan of warm water. I had the chills. When my midwife would check my dilation progress, I was increasingly frustrated to learn I had only dilated to 2, 3, or 5 cm. When I had finally reached 6 cm, my midwife gave me permission to get into the Jacuzzi tub. I was in for probably 30-45 minutes, and in between the contractions I would sleep—I guess that was my body’s way of of dealing with the intensity of the sensations. I never used the words “pain” or “hurt” in a conscious effort to not end up under the influence of pain medication—I wanted a medication-free birth. In the Jacuzzi tub, I was ready to push and have you, and when I told the nurse on duty at that time, she made me get out. I believe the one transition contraction I had was then—as I got out I bit your father in the shoulder, trying not to push while the nurse told me I couldn’t. I somehow got back to the bed, my midwife checked me and, indeed, I had dilated 4 cm in the tub and was ready to push. My best friend arrived at that moment and I pushed a mere 45 minutes until you were out at 9:01 p.m.! I felt your head rip me, and I wanted to you recede a bit, but you kept coming and all that anyone could say was, “Look at that head of hair!” Beautiful black hair crowned, then your head—and then when your shoulders came through I felt such a rush of relief, of emotion, of happiness—then my midwife said, “It’s a girl!” She placed you on my tummy, your color was so good, and you made your way somehow right up to my left breast and wanted to start suckling, but your father hadn’t yet cut your cord and the nurses hadn’t suctioned you out well yet, so that was not possible! But it was so amazing to see you know instinctively what to do.

I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. You had no marks or flaws on your skin, your eyes were dark and you had dark fur covering your back and shoulders. You responded immediately to our voices. You were alert, looking around, and holding your head up already at birth for a few seconds—what a strong neck, my midwife declared. I had difficulties in delivering the placenta, so you had to be taken from me, and your father went with you while I had to be medicated with Stadol and have the surgeon come in and scrape the remaining fragments of the placenta from me. I lost a lot of blood and was quite drugged, so I couldn’t hold you that night. That broke my heart, but my friend was with us so, after your father had fallen asleep, she stayed and held you and we talked until I sent her home around 3:30 a.m. and I had the nurses take you to the nursery; I couldn’t have done a thing for you had you awoken or cried. The next morning, while I was asleep, you choked on some fluid and turned blue, and the nurses had to take quick action. Thank God you were there with them.

I had, with you, the labor and delivery I wanted. I did tear, and I had to be cut with an episiotomy a bit to deliver your 13 ½ inch head, but that did not matter to me. I wanted you to come into the world naturally, without any depressant medication affecting you, making your birth as easy on you as possible. That would be my first gift to you.

You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Your deep, penetrating eyes make you seem older than you are. One woman looked in your eyes and said that you have an “old soul”—I think so, too! How blessed we are, to have such a beautiful creature as you, dear Princesita, in our midst!

I love you so much, Princesita, and I thank God each and every day for bringing you into my life and choosing me to be your guide through life.