Trying to prove myself "not stupid"

I spent three wonderful years in Japan. I had a lot of fun but, as an educator and a language person I got a lot more out of my experience than the run-of-the-mill university graduate who goes abroad to teach English for a stint. I had a MINOR in Japanese, after all.

Like that got me far. I couldn't talk to a preschooler.

I was humbled. Here I was, already bilingual on my own accord (no heredity here) in Spanish and English, honors graduate overachiever who felt I could do anything I set my mind to...and yet when I opened my mouth, I could not be understood. I could not understand even the names of animals; such trivial knowledge is not taught in the University curriculum (and you can bet your buttons that I have included specifically animals and the sounds they make in the adult ed. Spanish textbook I'm writing!). ...oh, that would make a good post, too.

I have already written about my understandable difficulties with the written language regarding such menial tasks as, say, food preparation or singing karaoke. The spoken language, however, posed a great obstacle to me in my attempts to establish my place, my identity in this culture during my entire first year in 中之条 Nakanojo. I could understand much more than I could produce, which I could logically comprehend due to lack of common root language but could not figure out quite why it took so long to acquire even while experiencing total immersion. One of my key phrases became, "I'm not stupid, I just don't know the words to say..." Surprisingly, that seemed to help and I would end up learning more than I had initially set out to communicate.

The entire first year, I did not feel comfortable talking on the telephone, I dreaded seeing my landlord to make my monthly rent payment because I did not want to be invited in for a drink of Calpis...yeah, it tastes kind of like what it sounds like...and the obligatory offering of a rice cracker graced with a piece of dried seaweed and a dead little fish (eyes still there, thank you) on top. Yummers...actually, I'm too Japanese for my own good now.

I think one of the most difficult challenges I had to face had to do with my first encounter with ゴー先生 Go-sensei Mr. "Go"...short for his real name. Same guy who I later reported having kicked the student in the stomach (see ethics post). He was rotated into my school in April with the new fiscal year, school year and routine changes of staff. He had previously been at my friend Mike's school over in 吾妻 Agatsuma. Within two days of having him at my school, I was in tears. I could not go into any room alone, be it the copy room or the little kitchen to get more お茶 ocha green tea or anywhere but the women's bathroom without this man following me. I understood enough Japanese to know what he said when he moved in close while I was making photocopies and whispered in my ear, "You know, the previous teacher in my town never looked this good leaning over a photocopier" or reaching out to grab at or touch me in some fashion. I was disgusted. Not that it would have made any difference, as this was the workplace, but he wasn't even young and good-looking. Ugh. After a couple of days of this, and returning home in tears, feeling trapped and naive, I called Mike and asked for some advice. He mentioned that I might want to start a conversation, while Mr. Go is in earshot, with an English-speaking faculty member about セクハラseku-hara sexual harrassment. That is such a big key phrase, sekuhara, that if it is mentioned all sit straight up and nobody would ever believe there is a sexual being in the room. It's pretty funny. Anyhow, I did just that and won that battle, although I still was privy to grotesque demonstrations of Mr. Go lifting his shirt while walking through the 職員室 shokuin shitsu teacher's office and showing all his bare chest and his beer belly. Lovely.

Language-wise, things got better for me. I was asked to prepare a 1/2 hour speech for a local UNESCO group, which marked a huge turning point in my Japanese aquisition and I worked for a long time with my Japanese teacher on that. I got a Japanese boyfriend and that helped, of course. I was asked, by my third year, to do translations for local national parks and new hot spring resorts, and to give formal presentations and hold Q&A sessions for PTA groups and UNESCO. It was an honor and it really gave me the opportunity to be more than a mere "token foreigner." I let my opinions fly on certain issues and stimulated discussion.

Still, to this day I have times when the words come first to me in Japanese. It's hard when that happens while I'm teaching Spanish, but it does and that is natural. I just have to live with it. But it occurs less and less frequently than before. I miss the days when I could really surprise people with my Japanese but, once I get into a conversation I can still work it a bit. All is not completely lost.