sweet slumber

And Saturday I slept.

Ahhhhh! Finally!

The world is a sweeter place when not seen through sleep-deprived eyes. Hope is visible, panic is down and clarity abounds.

The courage is not yet with me. I wish I could talk to my children's father and get the ball rolling. But I would rather practice avoidance right now. That isn't healthier, but it sure is easier.

Today the monitos and I spent six hours at the local 4-H fair and then, upon returning home I finished washing the sheets, making the beds and mowed our front and back lawns (the house is on just under 1/3 acre, and on a slope, so mowing is a rather big job). I should get some of those little goats we saw out at the fair today to come live with us during the summer; that would keep my lawn well-tended.

Tomorrow I am leaving for the day and not looking back. I will take my laptop so that I can work, but outside the house or I will end up being stuck doing all the meals for everybody--including him--that I should not have to do on my "not" custody time. We had decided last year on a split-time "practice" custody that always ends up leaving me with the kids when he is supposed to have them. If I don't just leave the house without looking back, that will happen again as he will not stand up for his time with them. That is just the way he is; not meant to be criticism but rather a mere observation. I want them to have time with him; both he and they need and deserve it.

It is obvious that they are all waiting for me to put food on the table tonight, so I suppose I must sign off to fulfill my role. I haven't had a chance to get to the store to get myself a nice bottle of red wine, so I guess I won't get my glass tonight. Too bad--the breeze is lovely, humidity is uncharacteristically low and the sky is *almost* the blue of an autumn sky we will start to see in September.

I usually dread the beginning of fall. This year, I daresay I actually am looking forward to it!