Oh Great Ones Who Know, please tell me:
How do you get over the immense void you feel when your children are with the other parent?
Such a part of me wants to be with them--such the joy and vibrance and life and love they bring to me and bring out in me. Yet at what cost? I am not happy when with them and with him at the same time. I cannot smile, I cannot have fun because I am too busy resenting the presence of the other--but I can still be with them and they can have both of us without feeling like they have to choose...
I don't mind being alone, except for the fact that, when I am alone I immerse myself in so much work that I forget to, oh, say, eat. Their presence keeps me on a schedule, keeps me healthy, keeps me in check.
During my God time this morning in my garden, we (God and I) had a little chat. We have lots of those little chats. I apologized for my rant during my God-garden time yesterday, during which I mowed the lawn in heavy humidity and warmth, cursing the fact that, on his days with the kids--or even without--he can sit on his ass and do nothing at all, all day long. I feel that, if we still have to share the house, I should not have to do all the upkeep of the house and grounds. I don't touch his room or his bathroom. He doesn't believe that he should ever have to use any elbow grease at all, and that machines will do what they were made to do, and in the end ruins clothing, doors, appliances, woodwork...you name it. I am not sure where he learned this mentality. And I am sick to death of using MY time to undo what he has done wrong--the story of our relationship, always trying to fix things, always trying to make things right.
That was my rant. I feel better today. It promises to be an even warmer day, but I had a restful sleep and got my hands in the Earth early this morning before it became too warm to bear. I need some new clothes for work for Fall, so I will consult now with the shopping gods and hopefully heed what they have to say...may the Sale Gods be with me as well.
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I wish I coud give you a hug! ((())) That doesn't seem effective enuff, but it's the best I can do .
ResponderEliminarIt's an art. You have to let go of resentment although I understand that would be difficult for you right now.
ResponderEliminar1) don't think about what is going on with them. think about what is going on with you.
2) make fun plans for yourself. don't immerse yourself in work.
that's about all I have to say on that subject. Good luck.
I'm sorry... In all honesty (and I know it doesn't help much), I was able to get past the resentment by separating his physical presence from mine. Now, I'm able to let go when he's with the kids. And even when the four of us gets together, its not weird. Of course, we haven't lived together in over 2.5 years.
ResponderEliminarI guess just have faith that it will work out. That what you crave (have you decided that yet?) will happen. I knew I wanted out. The kids are much happier for it. They too could sense the resentment when we shared a house together. Its a really tough situation. At least you do have your garden time...
*hugs*
Kay, I am good. It is AMAZING what shopping therapy can do for a woman's soul!
ResponderEliminarZ, I think you're right. I think I'm going to have dinner with a girlfriend tonight--and if that doesn't pan out, I have plenty of chocolate ice cream!
T, the physical presence issue has reared its ugly head again earlier this weekend. It's frustrating. He didn't even come to my princesita's game yesterday morning--she was crushed, and I long told him that my participation as coach should not affect his attendance. Shame on him--and she will resent that if it becomes a habit.
sigh. Back to the chocolate. And yes, Z, work. Too damn hot today to do anything else--supposed to break records today, and the humidity is like July. Guess we're paying for our October-like August.
Be well, all. I am good now!
Letting go is hard.
ResponderEliminarI have a different dilemma. When I clean, when I cook, when I do something around the house he thanks me and then offers his brand of "constructive" criticism that immediately negates the thanks.