GR8 COCH
I started giggling uncontrollably: of course I read it as pronounced in Johnny Cochran's name...and thought about how some people really, really need to have their great license pl8 idea read by a few people B4 putting it on metal for all the world 2 C.
Then I decided my reading of that license plate was a result of the goggles I must currently be wearing.
The Exception today posted an intriguing reading regarding "goggles", those lenses through which we see and interpret Life, and how such goggles can be colored depending on a variety of factors; hormones, alcohol, horniness...
So...to write on how very de-genderfied I feel as of late, resulting from what has been my decision to resume an extremely light dose of hormone therapy. Although I have still been walking into walls and hitting my head on cabinets (depth perception issues) and have felt 'off' and slightly on-edge this week (removal of the ring tonight after three weeks of wear), the relative PMS I deal with now is nothing when compared to how much I wanted to kill somebody every single third week--and it was only getting worse.
The thing is, I had such a libido. Almost a hormone with legs. My marvelous vibrator was getting incredible use because I had such a hunger--one that was clearly never satisfied, of course, as a rabbit-no matter the color-wasn't going to give the emotional warmth that a skin-on-skin, hands-and-toes intertwined, sweaty, passionate, kiss-filled encounter would give.
Three months into the Ring, and I have no libido. Give it time.
(sigh)
This month makes 10 months.
Verdict?
All gone.
Zilcho.
Nada.
My response is fine--but I have absolutely no desire to even try to stimulte myself. I've let the bunny's batteries die dead away...and I don't care.
And I have noticed that this has affected the way I look at myself and at others, especially other men.
I don't get that immediate jolt of excitement and heat-driven energy when I see a hot package anymore. If I close my eyes and make myself think--think, think, think, conjure up images and memories and think--then maybe, just maybe those familiar waves of warmth will start to wash over me.
I feel sex(gender)less as a result. I like to desire and to feel desired. I feel great need for male physical contact in my life and yet, not having any now, I don't feel like I miss it...but at the same time I just feel like I am merely existing,
no longer feeling,
no longer--me.
But maybe that's a good thing...for now. Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be, so I can look at everything else going on in my personal life without hormonal "goggles" to rose-color that which is, in reality, so gray.
My extreme moods are now in check, I am no longer homicidal (I say that half-jokingly, of course...) and I don't seem to experience *any* me-feelings anymore.
It's all lack-of-hormonal me. Those are my current goggles, and I'm not so sure I like them.
Wow. Makes you wonder if no hormones are better than wanting to murder someone. Surely there's a balance somewhere, right??
ResponderEliminarHey, I'm pretty sick of my sex toys too. Perhaps overuse in the past year? Eh... just waiting on the real thing to get here....
Maybe its your situation too. Perhaps once you feel more settled, the drive will kick back in. I guess in time, you'll know.
Maybe add in a little testosterone with your other hormone. That seemed to do the trick for me. And before you ask, no my voice didn't get deep and I didn't grow facial hair. It only takes a tiny bit.
ResponderEliminarSo you'd think, T. A balance somewhere. That I evidently haven't found. He'll be back soon...I'm excited for you!
ResponderEliminarMidlife, that is an idea. My issue is that, being the naturalist I am, I have a problem even being on a hormone as it is...let alone adding yet another to the mix. I believe in the power of our own bodies, but even my friends were commenting on how I needed to get some help once monthly, which is what pushed my pride aside.
But worth consideration--once, I suppose, I am ever in a relationship again.
Be well, both.
I have more libido than ever, now that I'm single again and I've recognized my sexuality for what it is...and no place to put it.
ResponderEliminarIs there any way to find a natural alternative? Plant-based? Nothing comes to mind for me at the moment, of course, but there has to be something out there...
And here I thought "COCH" meant "kooch"! I'm a guy, obviously. :-P
ResponderEliminarGo have a fling! Right this minute! Sex is a wonderful thing. And it sucks when life is so stressed out and unloving that it forced you into a dry spell. Let it rain COCH of both kinds.
Life can hit us in funny ways, Arial! Most plant-based help for women is in the form of soy, to which I am allergic. But I continue to search...!
ResponderEliminarDads, you crack me up. I know how good sex can be--I just haven't had it good in such a very long time that I'm starting to think it is all a figment of my imagination.
A fling. Ah. Haven't done that since my 20s...my single 20s. I don't think I have it in me anymore!
Be well, all.