balance

I got up and out to the gym today, for the first time in two weeks due to being sick and/or it being my weekend with the monitos. If I don't feel well enough to go work out, I really don't feel well! I ran my 5 miles in 35 minutes flat, which felt good, and about killed myself on weights I hadn't lifted in a few weeks. All in an effort to release all that is lying so heavily atop my soul.

Physical health/strength/endurance--balance.

Did I succeed? I'm not sure. No, I don't think so. Only time heals wounds and I hurt too deeply right now to make much more than a superficial dent. But I, and all involved, are in communications to seek a balance. Balance for the time being. That is all that can be done, so it is a valid and worthwhile goal.

Presence/communication--balance.

I did my share of the Christmas Cards this morning; He can do his side. This is the first year I will not do his work. I am almost finished crocheting Princesita's new bedspread; Young Prince's is already done and hidden away. Santa will dress their rooms while they sleep on Christmas Eve--when they awaken on Christmas Day, that will be their big surprise.

Presents-spirit--balance.

I pampered myself just a bit with a hair cut yesterday; the Hair Butchery is less that for me as I have a "master beautician" there I always use and she even brings me food once in a while. Nobody notices I get my hair cut but I suppose the only one who needs to notice is myself. Anyway, my beautician/magician is Iranian, a grandmother and just such a caring soul. I love to feel her fingers caressing my scalp just as much as I love the pull of the layering scissors against my head.

Pleasure/pain--balance.

I received word from my uncle; it appears he has had a stroke and is going through some tests, etc. He's the only family I have left on my father's side. Under normal circumstances that news wouldn't phase me but in the just slightly fragile state I feel I am in right now that news just pushes me over tears' edge.

Season's joys and season's losses--balance.

There is a cookie exchange tonight. I have just created the most decadent rumballs I've ever tasted--forget the "nilla wafer" filler; I have a gluten-free/soy-free concoction that is pure chocolate, condensed milk, vanilla and rum. Then some powdered sugar and soy-free chocolate chips on the outside and voila! The monitos licked the pot clean...quite literally.

Bitter/sweet--balance.

'Tis the season. I could use some other balance in my life as well. Balance between the emotional and the physical--my lack of physical contact is creating in me a monster that feels a need for great release. I was mentioning to a friend the other day, I would just kill for a make-out session. With someone. Geez, with anyone. Just to have that feeling again. Nothing more. Just to feel passion again, to feel someone's lips devouring mine. But that will not happen; I will not let that happen.

Passion/self-control--balance.

Facebook encounters have been interesting of late. An old hot and heavy flame from high school is evidently sleepless in Seattle. He shoots me an email asking me if I "remember us at -- Park?" Of course I do...he and I perfected there the beginning steps of a great art, hidden by the bushes, after school as juniors/seniors. We had quite a variety of funspots--the U of O football stadium included. But That was Then. He is now married to a beautiful wife, a gal I knew in college, with three children...and should NOT be emailing me with flirtatious fun. Even if merely being flirtatious--that is cheating and he is wrong to do that to his wife. And that is that.

Past tense/present tense--balance.

Now to balance my caffeinated mocha with some nice decaf hot tea to warm my body and prepare myself for just a tiny bit of supplies shopping, and I leave you for now.