I know, write THAT in the record books. (grin)
I actually have a lot to say, but can't find the words right now. December is a hard month for me, made this year a bit more bitter with Ryan's death. It is hard for me to believe that, come the 17th, it will have been 9 years that Dad died--what seems like yesterday and yet still a lifetime ago. And the 15th makes 7 years that Ko-chan died. And the 30th makes 11 years that my surrogate grandmother died (she lived next door all my childhood life and thus filled that role in my life).
I focus on the lights on the tree, the music, the lights in my children's eyes and try not to let myself think about all I feel I have lost in December.
I try not to feel so cold, but that is hard for me right now. I take my moments of joy and cherish them, and they carry me through my moments of sadness and grief.
I miss hugs. Sometimes you just need someone to hold you, nothing more, and I haven't had that in a very, very long time. I pretend I'm just holding my children but I never really let them know that it is instead them holding me...it is not fair to them to know that kind of pressure at their young ages.
And that is that.
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I too have a December full of difficult anniversaries and it's always been a tough month. Seems like when the crap really hits the fan, it's gotta be in December. Christmas is also one of my favorite holidays so I guess that helps pull me though. Hang in there.
ResponderEliminarI too hate this time of year - the holidays tend to suck for me, ever since I got divorced. I'm like the invisible man who doesn't get invited to any holiday dinner parties.
ResponderEliminarI cycle to stay sane.
Hope you get some hugs soon. I need some too!
I hope the warmth and light of the saeason and the love of your chldren carries you through. XOXO
ResponderEliminar(((big hugs)))
ResponderEliminarSending lots of love and strength across the ocean to you!!
Christmas is a beautiful season, but seems to highlight and accentuate any loss we feel. I wish I could be there to give you a BIG hug - I give good grandmotherly / motherly hugs!!! Sending one now ... (((( :) ))))
ResponderEliminarHere's a hug for you. (((you)))
ResponderEliminarChristmas is a stressful time of year without loss.
Isn't it funny as single parents... we seem to be forgotten over the holidays? OK, not funny but sad.
ResponderEliminarWe have to "hold" each other up during the holidays!
Sending love to you...lots of love and hugs!
I'm sorry you have so many sad anniversaries this month. The holidays are difficult for many, many people. I wish I could give you a HUGE hug!
ResponderEliminar