Dad's House wrote today on flirting and challenged us all to a "A Flirt A Day" contest.
Doesn't that sound like so much fun? Perhaps just the thing to draw us out of our winter hibernations, light a fire in our souls and bring some spontaneity and spark to our spirits.
To be honest, nothing makes me want to crawl deeper into my little cave even more.
I used to flirt, I used to have fun and enjoy my company with others, friends and strangers alike. Now, with a mortal fear that someone might read too much into a look, a word, a touch, I find it easier to live my life in my little contactless circle where I don't have to worry about having anything else further complicating my life.
There are external circumstances, of course, that affect these words. I have a hard time in December, I have a sore throat and am not feeling well (which doesn't happen often), the winter chill and short days affect me each year, and I have recently had a hard disagreement with a close friend that has yet to be resolved; these all create in me a great degree of insecurity and my self-confidence is just low right now.
So low that, reading Dad's post, I found myself in tears, wondering what in the world has happened to ME...the ME I used to be. My strength is gone and my resolve accounts for almost nothing.
*---*
Last night I read a Hans Christian Anderson tale I had never before read to my children. It was called "The Fir Tree". The gist of the story is that the fir tree in the forest was never content with how his life was while surrounded by the beauty of nature in the forest; he always wanted something more. It wasn't until he was chopped down, decorated, promptly discarded and chopped and burned that he realized how he had wished his life away. The last paragraph describing how each pop of his trunk in the fire was actually a sigh as he remembered various glorious scenes from his life that he never appreciated until it was all over.
My kids didn't understand why I cried at the end of the story. And I actually, for the first time, didn't feel like talking about it.
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I hope you're feeling better soon. I feel the same as you, emotionally. I'm trying to get ME back... there are days I see her and others that I just want to hide away too.
ResponderEliminarI like the story. I would have probably cried too.
I'm sending you love!!
Oh, I didn't mean to make you cry. Sorry. I hope you get your ME back soon. I've definitely been there. And in fact, I probably posted this flirt-a-day challenge to motivate my butt back out there, rather than me hiding out in the safety of my home. Change is hard. But I personally have my teary-est moments when I realize I haven't risen to the challenge of changing.
ResponderEliminarSending you love and peace!
It's a challenge to keep that part of ourselves alive when so much of what we do is for and about our kids. Nurturing ourselves for their sake as well as ours is neccessary though.
ResponderEliminarGlad to know you are reading HCA to your kids. He was my favorite as a child and I'll have to get "The Fir Tree". Your thoughts were very touching.
You have strength and grace and wisdom. You have the tools to get through this. You are a gifted loving friend. You will get through this and come out better for it in the end.
ResponderEliminarlove to you -
B
You are good, and I am fine. I know I'd be doing better if I felt better; I am not used to feeling like crap because I usually take such good care of myself that I don't get run down like this.
ResponderEliminarI guess I'm feeling I am being pushed to grow in other ways right now, and I'm not certain I have the strength to spread myself too terribly thin. Dads, I admire you. T, I'm going to be fine--just get me through about mid-December! MindyMom, nurturing is so crucial. I did get a mom's night out on Saturday--and we closed the bar laughing and talking. It was so needed. Brad, you are such a rock. Thank you. Baby steps.
Be well, all.
Virtual hugs and good thoughts on their way.
ResponderEliminarGosh I think its a vital part of where you are at (and were alot of us were at and still are) - is re-discovering who you are!
ResponderEliminarIts a pretty hard journey but a VERY VERY awesome one!!
And that story is one my favourites!
yes, I would have cried too and not for the first time as I remember that story. There is a lesson in there for us...we can heed it or not.
ResponderEliminarI love to flirt and still do on occasion, even at my ripe age. However if the recipient of my "flirts" starts to flirt back...then I chicken out and disappear quick. HA! Story of my life, I'm afraid.
My last encounter was with a gentleman about my age at the grocery store, of all places. He was flirting with me and I didn't even notice until my grown son, who was with me, told me. Then I was embarrassed....but it made me feel good, young, revitalized.....and pretty. That's what its all about I think.
I'm so sorry about your living arrangements. I wish I could tweak my nose and make it all good for you and yours. I think 'he' is misinterpreting the idea of separation. Its a time when you're supposed to work on recognizing your problems and endeavor to fix them. It doesn't sound like he's doing that at all. Matter of fact, it sounds like he could live in this state forever and be perfectly fine with it. In the meantime, you stress. Please take care of yourself and of those who mean something to you. Don't waste the time sweetie. Big hugs and feel better soon....if not, get your tushie to the DOCTOR. The matriarch has spoken. Ahem. xxoo
I think it might have been that story and living in the mountains that made sure I will never have a live Christmas tree again.
ResponderEliminarI hope you are able to recover your me in time. (((you)))
Brad summed it up beautifully. I would have cried a little myself as there is something in that story for everyone.
ResponderEliminarFlirting isn't always easy. I notice that, right now, it is not easy for me given that I am well aware of what I don't have. Flirting makes us feel good but, in a sense, we have to feel kind of good to do it!