When Life gives you lemons...

...and it's on a constant basis, you'd think a person would figure it out and stop making the same mistake over and over again.

Some of us are not so smart, evidently. Others of us take those lemons and squeeze out of them an unending supply of lemonade--the fresh, tart stuff that, while being a positive end to a less-than-perfect situation, leaves behind the reminiscent mouth-puckering taste as a constant reminder of what could have or should have been done differently.

I have been through the emotional ringer this year on a level nobody really knows about and I think I am through with it. I just don't think I can do it anymore. Christmas is nice and picks up my spirit this year...how on Earth do I keep myself up in January? February? Those cold, dark months that frighten me so, with an inane holiday smack in the middle that I have so deeply despised since my youth for either its senseless obligation or its deep, utter loneliness. One year I gave myself a vacation in January. It served as the perfect distraction, but is far from the ideal time to go as cancellations can always occur: catching the 'flu, being snowed in, absolutely any variety of possibilities can create a stressful anticipation of such a needed mid-winter break.

I am also trying to learn to let my idealism of my 20s go. I cannot change the world; the world needs to want to change. I can be lauded as this positive influence but yet I am tired of feeling the failure when the willingness to adopt new, healthier ways is shrugged off or ignored for any variety of excuses. I need to stop trying to change the world and just focus on molding my own touchable reality.

And that is the end of my insomniac insights and rants this night. I hope the rest of you are sleeping tight!