The Spatula Wars

He went out and bought a set of new spatulas.

Not just any spatulas, Le Creuset spatulas. (read: very very expensive)

I have a full set, with two that are a trite battered by a blender's blade but still completely usable. That is like 8 or 9 spatulas in reach of my stove, that fit perfectly into a little white holder so that I can pull one out and all of the rest don't come out due to lack of spersonal spatula space.

(sorry 'bout that...feeling sassy)

So I unload the dishwasher the other day and there are ten new spatulas in there, just washed. I had never seen them before. I have already all those utensils, most of which (like the baster brush) I never, ever use. I have had these now for six years, it is no secret I have them unless Somebody is just unaware that these spatulas, pasta spoons, slatted spoons, etc. actually exist in my kitchen.

And I don't have a lot of excess spatula space in my kitchen. My drawers are pretty full.

So I took the spatulas and put them out on his table where I put his mail, magazines and other items. Thinking that maybe, just maybe, he's starting to plan for his move out by purchasing for his own kitchen... (not that he can cook or even know what to use most of those utentils for besides stirring the OJ in the morning)

Well, the next morning my spatula jar is so filled with spatulas that I can no longer pull one out without the entire mess of them falling out of the damn jar. So, sputtering spatula explitives I remove his, cursing the fact that my kitchen wa has been upset, and return them to his table.

I see the receipt he laid out for some reason on the kitchen counter. $100 worth of spatulas.

I about, um...split a spatula in half reading that!

Dude. I could do a heluva lot more with $100...OH--excuse me. They were 20% off! That explains it. He saw the magic four-letter word: SALE. And just HAD to buy. (he's just like that) No matter if there is need, just buy for the purpose of buying...

...which runs so utterly contrary to who I am and how I run my finances. For me, managing our finances was nightmarish as I had to deal with a complete lack of discipline.

Okay, so I took those $80 worth of spatulas and returned them, yet again, to his side of the table.

The next day, there were three little spatula subversives sitting in the spatula jar.

I took them and, sputtering, hid them. I don't want them, I don't need them and I don't want to see them.

Then I was getting Christmas cookie frosting ready. In little cups, I had a rainbow assortment of frostings ready for a little plastic knife that I traditionally use as the spreaders...nothing heavier will balance in those little teacups I use. He comes in and says, "Oh, and there are these..." and his voice trails off in confusion when he goes over to the spatula jar and sees that his special spatulitas have suddenly disappeared.

I snickered...to myself.

I have made it clear that I NEED a thermometer, I NEED heavy winter socks and I would LIKE to have my bike serviced and my violin bows rehaired. Never once have I said a thing about needing new spatulas. But yeah, I'm not heard. I feel strongly about using until unusable. I bought new pans this month, stoneware, because the tin ones I had had rusted and were thus rendered, well, unusable. So I upgraded. But I know what it is I will use and what I will not. He does not do any cooking, he does not spend any productive time in the kitchen (except eating), and he will not stop misplacing items that I have had in the same place for six years in some crazy miscellaneous space that leaves me cursing and losing time and literally holding a scavenger hunt for kitchen shears or measuring spoons when they are not where I expect them to be.

Dude, he is so totally breaking my stride.

Yes, I am well aware of the hilarity of the situation. These are petty, minor specks of spatula spittle that hopefully brought a smile to your face, as it did mine putting it into words!

And with that I wish you a happy Christmas Eve-Eve!