sábado, 26 de enero de 2008

cashew butter and jelly on rice cakes

Jon Stewart, one of my favorite comedian-satirists, once said that the only difference between a rice cake and a styrofoam cup is that the styrofoam cup actually fills you up.

No frickin' duh.

Today I am in a Funk. Notice the Capital F. I did get up, but slept in (which means not getting up at 5). Out of the house by 7. To the gym. Decided to lower weights by 10 lbs for everything I do, yet up my reps to 15, and try to keep within 10 points of my target heart rate on elliptical. Why? Because I'm losing weight and I should not be losing weight. My thyroid numbers, on last check in October, were fine so that means my hummingbird-like metabolism has sped up to that of, oh I don't know...what goes faster than a hummingbird, a bumblebee? I don't KNOW. Point is, I should not get to below 120 lbs. Ever. That's what I weighed in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. So I need to lower weights but continue to maintain tone. More yoga. Need to find a yoga class that fits my new schedule.

Okay. Get home, made myself gluten-free pancakes and sausage. Yummers. (Truly...not being sarcastic, it was so good it was almost orgasmic. I mean, real food.) I am paying for going off-diet with horribly itchy breakouts on my arms and abdomen, as well as in my mouth, my tongue remains slightly swollen. Yuckers. So back to being strict with myself. Guess I'm still allergic...

But that's is now all, besides 1/2 bar of really good but really expensive dark chocolate, I have had to eat. I had class, I have worked all afternoon, took a break to visit She-Ra in neighboring Queendom and now continue on in The Royal Funk.

When in the Funk I do not eat.

See the vicious cycle?

So I decided that, tonight, I would make myself a cashew butter (since that's all I have open at the moment) and jelly sandwich on rice cakes...since I don't have bread that I can eat and I really can't stand the gluten-free crap out there--and wheat bread makes my stomach turn anyway.

Turns out that all the rice cakes that are left are so broken that there is no human way to spread cashew butter and jelly over them. None at all. My kids like to eat them like that; they call them popcorn.

Whatever floats the royal boat.

So that leaves me, in Funkland, with a bunch of healthy soy-free gluten-free snack bars I tried to make myself this week and totally failed (of course--it's me in the kitchen) to get them to stick together...so they are in essence a bunch of sickly sweet cereal crumbs wrapped in ClingWrap.

Yummers.

I don't even think I have a bottle of wine in the house, and it is honestly too damn cold out to even want to go out to the store to buy myself something, just to feed my Funk a little more. Probably not the smartest thing to do...but I suppose sometimes I am just not the sharpest tool in the shed, anyway.

So I will sit in front of my sunlamp, work some more while drinking hot lemon water and eat birdseed crumbs sweetened with an apricot jelly/brown sugar/butter mixture that failed to hold it all together.

You know what I would rather do tonight? Go dancing. Laugh.

That, my darlings, appears to No Longer Be in My Cards.

4 comentarios:

  1. Funny, I had a blah day today as well..

    No good reason for it.. Just blah.

    You need protien baby, pure protien... Head to the nearest GNC, or vitamin shop and get yourself some weight gainer powder.

    Trust me, they have gluten, and soy free powder. and it WILL keep weight on you. And if you drink 3 of them a day for a couple of weeks you will feel much better.

    And some good vitamins as well.

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  2. I am on good vitamins, although that has been a challenge to find. I thought I eat enough real good meat as well, the carnivore I am, that is grass-fed, so no soy in its feed. Tiresome, that's all. I get sick sometimes of having to watch everything.

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  3. Dang woman, go get a taco or six. My friend Donna is also gluten intolerant but says that she can eat tacos without a problem. Maybe you could too?

    Me? I only wish I could lose some weight. I've been working out on the eliptical trainer every day and ended up with thee most beautiful ocular migraine Friday...

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  4. :) I love tacos!

    My problem is less the gluten issue, I think...it is definitely the soy. That just makes me plain sick. And soy is hidden in everything, like spices and the stuff that makes things stick together and flavorings--and it has so many "code names" that I really find I have to be careful...even Natural Vitamin E (tocopherols) is soy. It's in lotion, in sunscreen, in everything...fortunately I'm not so badly allergic that I can't wear that stuff but when I overuse that, or when I ingest, I end up breaking out in rashes.

    Soy protein is really a big diet fad, but word is finally getting out about soy being one of the highest allergen foods. It would be nice if it were less pervasive.

    Such is Life, baby. I'm going ice-skating with the monitos today. No soy there! ;)

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